How to Unf**k yourself ⚡️
Time for a conversational slap :)
We constantly engage in self-talk, whether it's criticizing ourselves, doubting our abilities, or replaying past mistakes.
The truth is that most of us are often complaining, replaying our past, imagining random talks and everything else in between.
When we are trapped in our thoughts, we can become paralyzed by overthinking, negativity, and self-limiting beliefs. This mental noise prevents us from taking action, seizing opportunities, and making positive changes in our lives.
By learning to quiet this internal dialogue and shift our mindset, we can overcome the obstacles we create for ourselves and unlock our true potential.
In "Unfu*k Yourself," (a book I’d really recommend as it is a light read with better RoI than most), Gary John Bishop confronts a fundamental issue that affects us all: the incessant self-talk that shapes our daily lives. This internal dialogue, often unnoticed, can become a powerful force that influences our attitudes, decisions, and actions.
Bishop argues that this mental chatter can be detrimental, trapping us in cycles of negativity and preventing us from reaching our true potential. Getting out of our heads and breaking free from this self-imposed mental prison is essential for living a more fulfilling and empowered life.
Atomic ideas from the book, along with notable quotes in the end.
Get out of your head
Reading this book is like holding a genuine friend in your hands.
'This is a conversational slap from the universe to wake up to your true potential, to unf**k yourself and get spectacularly into your life'.
This book (Unf*ck yourself. Get out of your head) requires you to seek the answer, not out there, but inside of yourself.
It’s not that you have to find the answer, you are the answer.
How language changes our lives
Research in neuroscience and psychology shows that the kind of talk you engage in impacts the quality of your life.
Studies have continually evidenced that positive self-talk can dramatically improve mood, boost confidence, increase productivity and much more. It can be one of the key components to a happy, successful life.
The reverse is also true that negative self-talk can put us in a bad mood and leave us feeling helpless. It makes small problems seem bigger and creates problems which didn’t exist before.
Your self-talk is fucking you up in ways you can’t even begin to imagine.
It’s this simple: in order to improve your internal world, you have to start by taking action in the external world.
Get out of your mind and get into your life.
Retrain Your brain
Scientists have discovered that our thoughts can actually change the structure of our brains (this phenomenon is called neuroplasticity).
You are what you do, not what you say you'll do. - Carl Jung
As we go through life experiencing and learning new things, our brains constantly arrange and rearranges the neural pathways that control how we think and behave.
The best way to shape thoughts is through conscious, decisive self-talk. Just like how we build habits by repeating an action until it becomes automatic, we can use strong and assertive language to create lasting change in our lives over time.
If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be content to take their own and depart. - Socrates
A paradigm of potential
When you stick to what’s comfortable for you, doing the same things you've always done, you're in effect living in the past - not moving forward. You are repeating behaviours that at one point in your life felt risky but have since turned into a routine.
Success is never certain, and it never comes without risk. Successful people succeed because they don't let uncertainty stop them.
Once you choose certainty over uncertainty, you stop achieving. Eventually we do that thing called 'settle'. We settle for certainty.
The successes and experiences you've dreamed of are waiting for you in uncertainty.
Expect nothing and accept everything
This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t plan anything and go through life aimlessly without any goals. But when you make a plan don’t expect for victory or defeat. Plan for victory, learn from defeat.
If it succeeds, you can celebrate. If it fails, you can re-calibrate.
You've probably noticed, when you do try to stay in your comfort zone, you never truly feel comfortable. There's always that nagging feeling that you could be doing more. There's always that desire for a life that’s better than the one you have now.
There really is no destination, there is only exploring, exploring and exploring.
Action greases the wheel of life
The car won't start without you putting your key in the ignition. It’s all about momentum. Once you get the ball rolling, it’s easier to stay moving.
Choose action over inaction. Act beyond your automatic thoughts.
Don’t know what to do first or where to start? Great! Thats your first action!
Find out. Trawl the Internet, read books, ask questions, take courses, seek advice, do whatever the eff you need to do to UNFUCK YOURSELF and get into your life.
'I am not my thoughts; I am what I do'.
Be Relentless
Go against the current.
People in your life have become accustomed to relating to you as a specific 'kind' of person. So, any attempt to break out of that mold, you're not only messing with your own world, but you're also messing with theirs.
The resistance comes from your mind, not just from other people. Both your conscious and subconscious thoughts can work against you to stop your dreams right in their tracks.
Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage.
Hidden Expectations
How do we recognise our hidden expectations? The answer is in the places in your life where you experience disappointment, resentment, regret, suppression, anger, lethargy, essentially anywhere that leaves you feeling deflated like you have lost yourself.
The greater the gap between your hidden expectations and your reality, the worse you will feel.
When you expect nothing, you're living in the moment, embracing the situation you're in.
Own the situation and be in charge of it. When you take ownership and responsibility for it, that is when you can change it.
Don't seek to have events happen as you wish, but wish them to happen as they do happen, and all will be well with you. - Epictetus
Expect Nothing, Accept Everything
There will always be people who will lie and cheat. It’s just not healthy for yourself to live in the expectation that they won't, and then throw a hissy fit when they do. Remember, in most cases, you will always end up worse off than they do!
Much worse, actually.
You end up sticking yourself with resentment, regret, anger and frustration. Remember, you are doing this to yourself!
Accept things for what they are. Become masterful with your mind and your emotional state.
Quieten your mind and allow yourself to act with power rather than succumbing to your internal and external upsets.
Love the life you have, not the one you expected to have.
Stay out of the swamp of mediocrity and drama, reach for your greatest self, your greatest potential, and challenge yourself to live that life every single day of it -
Inevitable Death
One day, you are going to die. You will stop breathing and cease to exist. We are all mortals. There's no escaping this fact.
Imagine yourself on your death bed, you start to look back at your life. You never made the changes you wanted and needed. You stayed stuck in that job, that relationship, that overweight body, until the day you die. You are going to feel regret, remorse and sorrow.
Stop Blaming Your Past
We all have a past, some of them are fucking horrific. SO WHAT!?!?
Why is it that you show more passion for your past than you do your future? Nobody can free you except yourself.
Trapping yourself in the past is an easy way of relieving yourself of the responsibility you have for your current circumstances.
Build something bigger and create yourself a bright and satisfying future. Focus on the potential and possibility that its weight will snap you free from that significant and laborious past.
Notable quotes from the book “Unf**k yourself”
"You have the life you're willing to put up with."
"Accept that there are no guarantees and give yourself a shot anyway."
"You are not your thoughts. You are the one who listens to them."
"It's not what happens to you, it's how you respond to what happens to you that determines the quality of your life."
"Think about what you’re thinking about."
"You have the power to change your life. You just have to be willing to do it."
"You’re not a failure until you give up."
"I am willing."
"The only difference between people who achieve their dreams and those who don’t is that the former kept going despite the odds."
Your actions are the only thing separating you from where you are to where you want to be.
This isn't just about seizing the day, this is about seizing the moment, the hour, the week, the month. This is about seizing your fucking life and staking a claim for yourself as though your life depended on it.
Because, the reality is, it does.
Happy Unf**king your life :)