The art of saying NO, without any guilt. 🙃
And more AtomicIdeas
First of all, I paused the AtomicIdeas newsletter for few days as I wanted to take a break and reflect upon learnings running AtomicIdeas. This started as an experiment and is now 33000+ community. I believe we can do a lot better magic together.
I will soon unveil a plan starting May ensuring that you derive a lot more from AtomicIdeas. The goal is nothing short of a revolution: to help move the world forward with the power of atomic ideas. By unlocking the full potential of these powerful concepts, we aim to bring about real change and drive progress in all areas of life.
Today, let me share one of my biggest challenges in life - saying NO. I have often struggled with saying NO (even ended up buying useless car cleaning products from a salesman last month). Some of the ideas that helped me overcome this (am still learning) came from a wonderful book “The Art of Saying No”.
Reasons We Struggle To Say No
It’s one of the smallest words in the English language. Yet, many of us believe it carries such awesome power that we’re afraid to say it.
In those instances when we do manage to say no, we instinctively downplay our intentions, offering excuses and apologies to the requestor.
Top reasons why we avoid saying NO
We want to avoid offending people.
We want to avoid disappointing people.
We want to avoid seeming selfish.
We're averse to conflict.
"Saying no is a sign of strength and self-confidence, not weakness."
Key Ideas from The Art of saying NO
(without feeling any guilt)
Be Direct and straightforward
Being straightforward when turning down requests doesn’t mean you’re being discourteous. In fact, your candidness is likely to be appreciated by the requestor, who’ll know that trying to persuade your accommodation will be a waste of time.
I have been practicing this for a lot of ‘let’s meet for coffee meeting’ pitches by PR companies/startups where the motive is just to promote. By saying a clear NO, it might make one look a bit arrogant, but hey, I am not selling ice cream here! I can’t please all :)
Replace “No” With Another Word (or a process)
The good news is that it’s possible to decline requests without saying the word “no.” It’s just a matter of finding different ways to communicate the same message.
Here is what I have done: Whenever a startup founder reaches out to me for feedback on their product/startup idea, earlier I used to meet them. But it would take up a lot of my time and many a times, founders weren’t even prepared for the meeting.
Now, I don’t say NO to them (I love meeting entrepreneurs), but I ask them to send me a short writeup on the product so that I can also be prepared and make the meeting more valuable for both.
Depending on the request, I also connect requestors with the ones who are better than me when it comes to solving that specific request.
"Saying no isn't about being selfish; it's about being smart with your time and resources."
Let’s avoid lying about your availability!
“I can’t do it this week as I am in back to back meetings”
That’s plain lie.
Someone asks you to do something you’d rather avoid. As an honest person, you’d like to tell them as much. The problem is, you fear that honesty is likely to cause him or her to feel offended, upset, or resentful.
Rather than lying about your availability and feeling guilty for doing so, you develop a strong sense of personal agency.
You learn to rely on your own reasoning when deciding whether to consent to, or turn down, requests and invitations.
BONUS: “I can’t.”
[Own your decision]
When we turn down requests, we often say “I can’t.”
This response allows us to avoid taking ownership of our decisions. We get into the habit of turning people down without expressing our decisions as a matter of personal choice.
Instead of telling the requestor, “I can’t,” tell him or her:
“I don’t want to.”
Give a reason if you suspect doing so will defuse a potentially combative response. (make sure your reason is sincere and not simply an excuse.)
The important thing is that you own your decision and the potential consequences of it.
Have a great time ahead saying NO to things that don’t matter to you.
-Ashish
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